A trusted adult is someone a child can approach when they feel worried, unsafe, confused, or overwhelmed. Help your child identify several possible helpers, practise what to say, and understand that they can keep looking until someone listens and acts.
Explain what “trusted adult” means
Start with a simple definition: a trusted adult is a grown-up who takes a child seriously, listens without blaming them, and helps them find a safe next step. Trust is shown through actions over time. A person’s job title, popularity, or relationship to the child does not automatically make them a safe choice.
Explain that children may need help with different things. A teacher might help with bullying in class; a caregiver might help with a frightening message; a school counsellor might help a child who feels anxious about learning. The child does not have to decide whether a problem is “big enough.” If something feels wrong or they are unsure what to do, they can tell an adult.
Keep the explanation calm and specific. Avoid suggesting that children should keep secrets to protect an adult’s feelings. You can say: “Surprises are fun when everyone will find out later. A secret that makes you feel worried, unsafe, or pressured is something you can tell me or another safe adult.”
Make a short list together
Invite the child to name adults they see regularly in different settings. Don’t turn it into a quiz or insist that they choose a particular person. Ask what each adult does when a child needs help: Do they listen? Do they stay calm? Do they follow up? Can the child reach them when needed?
Build a list with at least three options, ideally including more than one setting. Depending on the child’s life, possibilities may include:
- A parent, caregiver, or another relative the child feels safe approaching.
- A teacher, school counsellor, principal, coach, or another staff member.
- A friend’s caregiver or a trusted neighbour known to the family.
- An adult who helps moderate a child’s online community, if the community has a clear and safe reporting process. This does not replace an offline adult.
For each person, talk through how the child can find them. A name alone may not help when a child is upset. Identify a usual place or time to speak, such as after class, at the school office, or by asking a caregiver to arrange a conversation. Check that the adult is still available when routines or school terms change.
| Situation | Possible first adult | Backup option |
|---|---|---|
| Repeated teasing at school | Teacher or counsellor | Another staff member or caregiver |
| Hurtful group chat messages | Caregiver | Teacher, counsellor, or another safe adult |
| Worry during an activity | Coach or activity leader | Caregiver or a different staff member |
| Unsure who can help | Any available safe adult | Ask them to help find the right person |
The list is a starting point, not a guarantee. If a named adult dismisses the concern, is unavailable, or is part of the problem, the child can go to another person on the list.
Practise asking for help
Children may freeze, forget details, or worry that they will get in trouble. Practising a few plain sentences can make it easier to begin. Keep the practice brief and repeat it in a relaxed moment rather than only after a frightening incident.
Try role-playing everyday examples. You can be the adult while the child practises saying:
- “I need to tell you something that is bothering me.”
- “Someone keeps doing this, and I want help making it stop.”
- “I saw a message that made me uncomfortable. Can you look at it with me?”
- “I tried telling someone, but nothing changed. Who else can help?”
Let the child choose whether to speak, write a note, draw what happened, or ask someone to sit with them. For a child who uses communication supports, signs, or a device, practise with the method they normally use. Do not require eye contact or a polished account. The goal is to help them start, not to test their memory or confidence.
Parents and educators can model a helpful response: listen, thank the child for telling, ask what support they need right now, and agree on a next step. Avoid leading questions that supply answers. Simple prompts such as “What happened next?” or “What would help you feel safer today?” leave room for the child’s own account.
Connect the plan to bullying prevention
A child who is bullied may worry that telling will make things worse, that adults will blame them, or that they must handle it alone. Say clearly that being targeted is not their fault and that asking for help is appropriate. Children can try a direct boundary if they feel safe, but they do not have to confront someone or gather proof before telling an adult.
Help the child describe what is happening in concrete terms: what was said or done, where it happened, whether it has happened before, and who was nearby. They can share only what they remember. An adult can ask follow-up questions and decide what information is needed. Don’t press the child to repeat the story to multiple people unnecessarily; coordinate with the school or caregivers where appropriate so the child is not carrying the whole process.
Agree on a practical check-in. For example, the child may speak with a teacher privately, identify a supervised place to go during a difficult time, or ask a caregiver to contact the school. The right response depends on the setting and the child’s needs. A plan should address the behavior and the child’s immediate sense of safety, not merely tell the child to ignore it or avoid school spaces.
If the first adult does not act, help the child choose another adult and repeat the concern. Adults should notice patterns and follow up rather than assuming that one conversation has resolved the problem. Keep the child informed about next steps in language they can understand, while respecting other children’s privacy.
Include digital citizenship and online spaces
A trusted adult can help a child respond to upsetting online interactions without shaming them for being online or for making a mistake. Explain that the child can come forward even if they replied, shared something, clicked a link, or broke a household rule. Getting help quickly matters more than hiding the incident.
Teach a simple response sequence for hurtful or alarming messages: pause before replying, tell a trusted adult, and together decide whether to mute or block the account, use the platform’s reporting tools, or preserve relevant details. Features differ across services and can change, so look at the settings together when needed. A child should not be told to investigate, confront the sender, or forward harmful material widely. If a message may be relevant, an adult can help decide what to retain and how to handle it safely.
For online games, group chats, and learning platforms, identify an offline adult the child can reach if a moderator is absent or a report receives no response. Children should know that an online contact who asks them to keep a secret, move to a private channel, share personal details, or meet without a caregiver’s knowledge is a reason to stop and tell an adult. Teach them not to share home addresses, passwords, or other private information as a condition of receiving help.
Digital citizenship also means treating others with care. If a child sees someone being targeted, they can avoid joining in, avoid spreading the content, and tell a responsible adult. They are not expected to mediate a conflict or put themselves at risk.
Make learning spaces easier to navigate
Schools, libraries, clubs, and other learning spaces can make help-seeking clearer by showing children whom to approach and where to find them. Adults can introduce staff by name and role, explain how to request a private conversation, and identify an alternative when the usual helper is away. A child who is new, shy, disabled, multilingual, or otherwise unsure of the routines may need this information repeated and made accessible.
At home, ask the child to walk you through their day: Where could they find a teacher? Which adult is nearby during transitions or activities? Where can they go if they need a quiet conversation? Don’t assume they know how to reach the office or whether they are allowed to leave a room to ask for help. Coordinate with the school if a child needs a communication aid, interpreter, accessibility adjustment, or a more predictable check-in.
Adults in learning spaces can support trust by responding consistently, protecting a child’s dignity, and explaining what will happen next. They should avoid promising complete secrecy. If a safety concern needs to be shared with someone else who can help, explain that to the child in an age-appropriate way and involve them in the next step as much as possible.
Troubleshoot when a child will not choose someone
A child may say that they trust nobody, reject every suggestion, or insist they can handle it alone. Don’t force them to name a person or treat hesitation as proof that nothing is wrong. Ask what makes approaching an adult hard: fear of getting in trouble, embarrassment, worry about confidentiality, difficulty explaining, or concern that the person will not believe them. The answer may point to a better route.
Offer choices with clear limits: “Would you rather tell your aunt or your teacher?” or “Do you want to say it, write it, or have me help you start?” If the child does not want to talk now, agree on a time to check in again and make sure they know how to reach help sooner. A child can also approach an adult with a small opening, such as “Can I talk to you somewhere private?”
If the suggested adult is unsafe, dismissive, or involved in the concern, do not insist that the child try again with that same person. Help them identify another safe adult or an appropriate person responsible for the setting. If a child reports immediate danger, focus on getting them to a safe place and contacting an available responsible adult or local emergency help. The precise response depends on the circumstances and the services available where the child lives.
Keep the plan current and useful
Revisit the list after a move, a change in school or activity, a new online space, or a change in who the child sees regularly. Ask occasionally, “If you needed help today, who could you talk to?” and “What would you do if that person wasn’t there?” Keep the conversation brief so it feels like an ordinary part of staying safe, not a warning that danger is expected everywhere.
A plan works best when adults earn trust through repeated behavior: listening without blame, taking concerns seriously, responding in a timely way, and returning to check whether the help made a difference. Children may need more than one conversation, and no list can guarantee that every adult will respond well. What they can learn is that they deserve help, they may choose another person, and they do not have to manage a frightening or confusing situation alone.